You might ask yourself...

is this tantra?

why my massages are not real tantra

And why I don't claim them to be...

In the section About Massage I talked about the benefits of massage in general, and how the Full Body Massage Experience can truly open you up for (re)discovering Self and Source. Many of the elements in this Experience can be seen as western tantra. But this is not real tantra… and I don’t pretend to work or coach as a real tantra therapist. For that, you need to have years, even decades of study and practice (not a few days course in a retreat centre).

Don’t get me wrong, some tantra courses are highly professional and they include a firm scientific, medical, and spiritual background. I do not want to take anything away from all of that. Some therapists also have additional training in trauma healing, somatic bodywork, sexology, and other intense courses. They are amazing professionals, that know what they are doing. I can not and will not offer anything at that level, but I’d be happy to refer you to such a professional therapist if you need one.

A thin line between massage and sex

There are many tantra therapists out there without such background, that do make claims about all sorts of effects and experiences. Some say they can cure erectile issues, give you continuous orgasms, and awaken your inner sex goddess. There are erotic massage studios, that offer tantra massage with happy ending (men and women). And some female tantra therapists include nuru or body-to-body elements, using their own breasts in the massage. It is obvious clear that they all connect sex and sexuality with this type of ‘tantra’ massage.

If this is what you want as a man or woman… no problem. It becomes an issue, when vague terms are used to mislead and make questionable claims. Putting ‘sacred’ or ‘divine’ in front of another word, does not magically make it more special. Western spirituality has exploded into an uncontrolled, overhyped business extravaganza. People can and will say just about anything. Some call themselves a therapist, healer, or even teacher… but have no education, background, or practice. Claims are exaggerated or turn out fake. They’re just spiritual ego! Unfortunately, vulnerable people can suffer quite severe negative consequences from this.

Some therapists talk about a dance of the feminine and masculine, sacred sensuality, divine penetration, and how women should become a sacred slut. But as so often in spirituality, it all means nothing in itself, if it is not fully understood, mastered, and grounded. Without a solid background, the line between sex and intimate massage is easily crossed. I fear that many therapists cross that line, often without being aware of this. Their clients don’t realize either, but suffer the consequences later. Unfortunately, I speak from personal experiences.

Energy sex (without knowing it) during tantra massage

The sexual or so-called tantra connection is made at the level of the lower chakras. This is how we connect with our sexual partner… e.g. in a relationship, a one-night-stand, or even in just a simple act of flirting. As soon as we use feminine or masculine energy to interact towards the opposite sex, we connect through our lower chakras. We can experience this within ourselves as a profound awareness of being a woman or man… we feel confirmed in our sexual identity. Sometimes, we can even have this lower-belly excitement when we get playful and creative… like a flirtation, as if we are anticipating to have sex.

That is why many female tantra therapists basically have sex with male clients, even if there is no (genital) penetration. There is an ongoing exchange of sexual energies between the sacral chakras. The masseuse uses her own femininity and sensual (even erotic) side to stimulate the masculinity of her client, to arouse him and to get sexual energy flowing. She opens herself to connect at a sacral level in a dance between the feminine and masculine. She invites him into her own energy. If the client reciprocates her energy by coming into his masculine, he accepts her invitation. He thus penetrates her energy with his own, and at that moment they have sex.

What happens during such an exchange?

You might ask yourself if this is such a bad thing. After all, there is no physical penetration and it doesn’t look like the sexual act of lovers (nor the act of cheating). There is indeed a world of difference with physical intercourse and oral sex. This also goes for masturbation, or even ‘just’ kissing. There, pleasure is received and given on both sides, dissolving the line between giver and receiver. But pleasure is not just physical, it is also mental, psychological, and spiritual. In fact, isn’t that exactly what so many tantra massages claim to be about… multi-level pleasure.

It is all about the energy exchange. When using sexual energies (feminine and masculine), you automatically exchange energies with your ‘partner’, also in a client-therapist relationship. The exchange is however not only about pleasure, arousal, sensuality, and all sorts of intentions or fantasies. Please realize, this is not something that people usually have control over, unless you are a fully experienced master of your own energy bodies. But even then, there are parts of an exchange that happen at a totally subconscious level.

The problem is that the exchange of energies also includes spiritual burdens, trauma, negative emotions, karma, beliefs… all sorts of things you just don’t want to allow into your own energy. Or to give yours to someone else, for that matter. That is why people say to be careful whom you sleep with. Some energies can be cleared, but some can not. They can stay with us for a long time, sometimes even for years, if it is an exchange within a relationship. But it can and will always happen… even in one-time exchanges like a tantra massage.

What happens after such an exchange?

Most people will never be directly aware of this, but some can feel the indirect effects strongly. They might feel a heaviness afterwards. Although they can’t put their finger on it, something changed within themselves. They feel and see things differently and can suddenly experience things they’ve never felt before. This makes sense, because the experience is someone else’s energy. It’ll come in distorted and translated through multiple filters, but we are undergoing someone else’s experience. This happens in a relationship when one of the partners cheats on the other. They then take the energy of a third party into the original relationship. 

This, too, I say from my own experience. An ex-partner of mine had such exchanges during her tantra massages. She used her femininity and sensuality with male clients in a sexual way, and didn’t (or likely couldn’t) energetically clean herself afterwards. Each time, it felt to me as if she just had sex with her client, and I later felt violated. I now understand that when we connected afterwards, we exchanged energy like normal. I became aware, however, of her client’s energy entering my own. She had taken something from him and now shared this with me. She didn’t know what she was doing, but I later realized she was having ‘energy sex’ with all her clients.

Dogmas of (spiritual) sexuality

Needless to say, it’s not only about female therapists with male clients, but it’s the vast majority of the cases. After all, when you think of sensuality (especially eroticism), it is usually women seducing men, playing the game of feminine-masculine. That is society’s dogma on sexuality, as well as the culture of western style tantra. New female therapists are taught (explicitly or indirectly) to use their femininity in a sexualized way to arouse. 

But how can you understand the boundless essence of who you truly are, let alone achieve a true connection with this essence (the purpose of REAL tantra), if you focus on dual aspects of physical sexuality…? The ‘spiritual world’ goes even further. We are told that real men are raw and primal, that they protect and are in service of women. Women should be highly sexual and be wild and crazy (especially on social media). Self-proclaimed spiritual teachers push women to shift their boundaries in sex. If this happens in a group setting, women can feel safe but are subconsciously experiencing peer-pressure. Many end up crossing serious boundaries within themselves, that they usually only recognize afterwards.

There’s nothing wrong with sexual freedom, and some professional sessions are well guided – I recommend this to anyone. But too often especially women get manipulated to do something they don’t really want. Our lower chakras usually don’t set boundaries and our genitals have a mind of their own. By focussing on genitals only, we risk to disconnect from our energy. But energy eventually always knows the truth. Boundaries could dissolve, but should NEVER shift under pressure. Especially vulnerable women can end up feeling ashamed when they cross their boundaries. And the most damage is done afterwards, when they’re led to believe, their shame keeps them from being a ‘real woman’.

Don't fall for this spiritual ego

Please don’t believe that nonsense! It is all spiritual ego, and there is far too much of it. It is the level of 3D thinking, even if some say otherwise, especially people that call themselves spiritual teacher. You will feel the difference… trust your energy, listen to your heart. In my sessions, you won’t find such dogmas. We can talk about anything and sometimes must address dogmas to get things clear. But ‘beliefs’ stay off the massage mat, because it brings (false) expectations. Since I am a male therapist with female clients, it is even more important. 

This is why the building of trust is essential in our process… you need to feel fully safe with me (and vice versa). This is why we can only work on a ‘higher level’, where there is only truth and transparency. You will feel that there’s no sexual exchange, no intentions from my side, and no expectations from you. Everything is given and received in love. You can (and should) ask me anything… I am open to all questions. I listen to you and will always answer truthfully. On my other website, I sometimes write in my Humalien blog about subjects like this from a spiritual and energetic perspective. Check it out… you may find more that you resonate with.

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