You might ask yourself...

is this tantra?

why my massages are not real tantra

And why I don't claim them to be...

In the section About Massage I talked about the benefits of massage in general, and how the Full Body Massage Experience can truly open you up for (re)discovering Self and Source. Many of the elements in this Experience can be seen as western tantra. But this is not real tantra… and I don’t pretend to work or coach as a real tantra therapist. For that, you need to have years, even decades of study and practice (not a few days course in a retreat centre).

Don’t get me wrong, some tantra courses can be very professional and they include a firm scientific, medical, and spiritual background. I do not want to take anything away from all of that. Some therapists also have additional training in trauma healing, somatic bodywork, sexology, and other intense courses. They are amazing professionals, that know what they are doing. I can not and will not offer anything at that level, but I’d be happy to refer you to such a professional therapist if you need one.

A thin line between massage and sex

Then there are also tantra therapists out there, that do not have such background, but that do make claims about all sorts of effects and experiences. They may claim to solve erection problems, give you multiple orgasms, or awaken the inner sex goddess. There are also erotic massage studios, that offer tantra massage with happy ending (for men and women). Many therapists also include some nuru or body-to-body elements in their tantra massage. It seems clear that they connect sex and sexuality with their type of ‘tantra’ massage.

The problem, however, is when it comes to the vague terms from the ‘modern and western spiritual world’. That world has just exploded into an uncontrolled and overhyped business extravaganza, where anyone can claim just about anything. Anyone can call themselves a therapist or teacher, without any knowledge or background. Too much of these claims turn out to be unfounded. They are nothing but spiritual ego! Unfortunately, vulnerable people can suffer quite severe negative consequences from this.

Some therapists talk about a dance of feminine and masculine energy, sacred sensuality, becoming a sacred slut, or divine penetration. But as so often in spirituality, it all means nothing in itself, if it is not fully understood, mastered, and grounded. Without a solid background, the line between sex and tantra massage becomes paper-thin. I fear that many therapists cross that line, often without being aware of it. Their clients don’t realize either, but suffer the consequences later. Unfortunately, I speak from personal experiences.

Energy sex (without knowing it) during tantra massage

The sexual or so-called tantra connection is made at the level of the lower chakras. This is how we connect with our sexual partner… e.g. in a relationship, a one-night-stand, or even in just a simple act of flirting. As soon as we use feminine or masculine energy to interact towards the opposite sex, we connect through our lower chakras. We experience this within ourselves as a profound awareness of being a woman or a man, and we feel confirmed in our sexual identity. Sometimes, we can even have this lower-belly excitement¬† when we get playful and creative… like a flirtation, as if we anticipate sex.

That is why many female tantra therapists basically have sex with male clients, even if there is no genital penetration. There is an ongoing exchange of sexual energies between the sacral chakras. The masseuse uses her own femininity and sensual (even erotic) side to stimulate the masculinity of her client, to arouse him and to get sexual energy flowing. She opens herself to connect at a sacral level in a dance between the feminine and masculine. She invites him into her own energy. If the client reciprocates her energy by coming into his masculine, he accepts her invitation. He penetrates her energy with his own, and at that moment… they have sex.

What happens during such an exchange?

You might ask yourself if this is such a bad thing. After all, there is no physical penetration and it doesn’t look like the sexual act of lovers (nor the act of cheating). There is indeed a world of difference with physical intercourse and oral sex, and also with masturbation, or even ‘just’ a kiss. There, pleasure is received and given on both sides, dissolving the line between giver and receiver. But pleasure is not just physical, it is also mental, psychological, and spiritual. In fact, isn’t that exactly what so many tantra massages claim to be about… multi-level pleasure.

It is all about the energy exchange. When using sexual energies (feminine and masculine), you automatically exchange energies with your ‘partner’, even in a client-therapist relationship. The exchange is however not only about pleasure, arousal, sensuality, and all sorts of intentions or fantasies. Please realize, this is not something that people usually have control over, unless you are a fully experienced master of your own energy bodies.

The exchange of energies also includes spiritual burdens, trauma, negative emotions, beliefs… and all sorts of things you do not want in your own energy – or to give to someone else, for that matter. This is why people say to be careful whom you sleep with. These energies can stay with us for a long time, sometimes for years. It could even be for life, if it is an exchange within a relationship. But it can and will happen, even in one-time exchanges, like said tantra massage.

What happens after such an exchange?

Most people will never be directly aware of this, but some can feel the indirect effects strongly. They might feel a heaviness afterwards. They can’t put their finger on it, but there is some change within themselves, feeling and seeing things differently. Suddenly, they can experience things they’ve never felt before. And that’s right, it is someone else’s energy. This happens in a relationship when one of the partners cheats on the other. They then take the energy of a third party into the relationship.¬†

I also say this from my own experience. My ex-partner had such exchanges during her tantra massages. She used her femininity and sensuality with male clients in a sexual way, and didn’t (likely couldn’t) energetically clean herself afterwards. Every time, this felt to me as if she just had sex with her client… and I felt violated. I now understand that when she and I connected afterwards, thus exchanging energy, I became aware of her client’s energy entering my own energy. She had taken on something of him and shared that with me. She didn’t know what she was doing, but I now realize that she basically did have (energy) sex with all her clients.

Dogmas of (spiritual) sexuality

Needless to say, this is not only the case with female therapists and male clients, but it is the vast majority of the cases. After all, when you think of sensuality (especially in eroticism), it is usually a woman arousing a man, playing the game of feminine-masculine. That is society’s dogma on sexuality, as well as the culture of western style tantra. New female therapists are taught (explicitly or indirectly) to use their femininity in a sexualized way to arouse. 

But how can you understand the boundless essence of who you truly are, let alone achieve connection with this one essence (the purpose of REAL tantra), if you focus on dual aspects of physical sexuality…? The ‘spiritual world’ goes even further. We are told that real men are raw and primal, and that they protect and are in service of women. Women should be highly sexual and wild and crazy (especially on social media). Self-proclaimed spiritual teachers push women to shift their boundaries in sex. If this happens in a group setting, women can feel safe but are sub-consciously experiencing peer-pressure. Many end up crossing serious boundaries.

There is nothing wrong with being sexually free, and some professional sessions are very well guided (I can recommend them to anyone). But too often especially women are manipulated into doing something they don’t really want. Boundaries may even dissolve, but can never shift under pressure. Vulnerable women end up feeling ashamed for crossing their own boundaries, and now they’re also made to believe, that their shame keeps them from being a ‘real woman’.

Don't fall for this spiritual ego

Please don’t believe that nonsense… it is all spiritual ego, and there is far too much of it. It is the level of 3D thinking, even if people, especially the ones that call themselves spiritual teacher or leader, say otherwise. You’ll feel the difference, trust your heart. In my sessions, you won’t find any dogmas. We can talk about anything and sometimes must address dogmas to get things clear. But any ‘belief’ stays off the massage mat, because it brings (false) expectations. Since I am a male therapist, it is even more important, especially with my female clients. 

This is why the building of trust is essential in our process… you need to feel fully safe with me (and vice versa). Also, this is why we can only work on a higher level (5D), where there is total truth and transparency. You will feel that there is no sexual exchange, no intentions from my side, and no expectations. Everything is given and received in love. You can (and should) ask me anything… I am open to all questions. I answer truthfully… and listen to your story.

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